Battlefield Heroes Fragged My Modem

I have no idea why there are so many positive reviews of Battlefield Heroes. Seriously, I have no idea. Yes, it's free -- but so is dogshit on the sidewalk. And the difference between a free game that sucks, and a great one for 30 dollars is that one is free and sucks and the other is cheap and doesnt suck (and is also five fucking games.)

This is not to mention that I got three, count 'em, three BSOD's playing the game (my first BSOD's on XP) and it fragged my router so badly I couldn't connect to the internet at all until I flushed my DNS redirect and reset the fucking modem. Apparently I am not the only one with this problem. In fact, a friend of mine looked up BFH while I was dealing with these errors and said, and I quote: "Holy shit. Yeah, uh, apparently heroes tends to screw peoples modems. I got a good 12 links on google about it."

So yes, avoid that shit.

Try a game that, you know, doesnt suck, and is 20 dollars.

Shalrath; "Right Behind You, Shepard."

Who You Gonna Call? Not Threewave.

I haven't been up to much in the gaming world recently, other than doing another playthrough of Mass Effect to get ready for Mass Effect 2. I've been trying desperately to not learn anything about 2 at all, other than game mechanic changes, but have failed in some ways.

I won't give anything away (unlike my retarded co-workers), but there are some pretty large story ideas going on. I like the sound of what I (didn't want to) hear. I'm really curious how they're going to take characters you've already played through the first game with, and translate that to the second game. Obviously there will be a lot of gameplay tweaks, and while the story-side of the transfer is obvious (if you killed 'x' guy, he is not in ME2. If you helped 'y' alien, they will help you in ME2) it's the core mechanics I am wondering about. They've stated (somewhere, I don't have a link, go look it up yourself) that you won't carry over your weapons/abilities exactly -- does this mean you get to reconfigure your Vanguard, or Soldier, into a new version? Does it mean your old maxed out skills transfer over? Does it mean you could have had an Engineer, but in the sequel make him an Adept? Time will tell.

Personally, I hope they allow as much change as possible, as more freedom for players is almost always a better thing - especially when we're talking about an single player RPG. I wonder who I should bring over, my Paragon Soldier, my Renegade Vanguard, or my bi-polar Adept, who is either charming or stabbing at every opportunity...

I was going to get Ghostbusters, but after the shit they pulled on the PC version [Thanks RPS!] I said forget it. Seriously, if you're going to treat some of your customers like second class citizens - fuck you. On the plus side, I saved fifty bucks, so that makes me happy.

I am trying to figure out what was going through the minds of these people when they're doing this. You're a company, money is tight, you have to cut something, so you cut.. PC multiplayer?! And to follow it up with the kick-in-the-balls-quote like "Therefore, we kept our focus on making the console versions deliver on the promise of being an integral player on the Ghostbusters team." Well fuck you too. Seriously, look at the awesome precedent you're setting for your company here. "Hey, we make claims we can't deliver on, and then screw a quarter of the playerbase over. But don't worry, the other platforms will be feature complete!"

I've had about three different versions of this video bookmarked, but apparently it violates the terms somehow. Either way, this is one of the most hilarious videos I've seen in ages. I still laugh my ass off whenever it plays. The spy is a dashing rogue, so it does not lie.

That's all for now, I'll update as time allows.

Cheers,
Shalrath; "Say goodnight, Manuel."

Some Bastard'd Shoot At You

Before I get all depressing, I want you to watch this video. Yes, there's an add, suck it up.

So I just got back from my grandfathers wake - and it was a wake, as is my family's style - and I'm not in a fantastic headspace, but I wanted to tell a quick story about my grandfather. I'll do my best to type as he'd speak, but not knowing him is your loss, and having him gone is mine:

You see, the problem with the war was that everytime you'd get bored some guy'd shoot at you. I wrote half of my letters under a damn truck; "Those aren't tears on the page," I'd say, "but those damn Germans are shelling us again, so I'm writing this from under the troop carrier." So, in order to avoid getting bored, we'd do just about anything. I remember one time we were sitting on the back of a truck, which had a burning barrel inside to warm us - those damn winters are cold in Italy - and we were throwing stuff into the fire. Rocks, dear John letters, whatever was around. So we're all sitting there and suddenly this weird smoke starts pouring out of the thing. Some guy had thrown a damn mustard gas pellet into it! So we all pour out the back, literally falling out of the truck, everyone swearing and running. Later we laughed, but I just about died there, I think.

Then we had the damn guard detail. I dunno why, but some genius up high figured we needed to guard everything, so at some point I got suckered into it. Anyway, we weren't allowed to smoke on guard detail - they said we'd 'give our position away,' which was silly because we were in the middle of a damn supply base! Anyway, what I used to do was start smoking, and whenever we heard an officer coming (and you always knew) we'd flip our cigarettes back into our mouths, salute, and then flip it back out when he was gone. It sounds tough but you get enough practice and it's pretty easy.

So anyway, this whole story is leading up to the main story, which was me, in my bike - I was a messenger you know, running letters, orders, ammunition, whatever they needed - following this damn convoy. Now, the roads weren't so good, so I had to ride around them, then wait, then catch up again. It was pretty boring. Anyway, it's getting dark, so we pull into this field to sleep for the night. I used to wrap myself in two blankets, and then just fall backward into the mud. It was the best sleep of my night - that was some good mud! - and you'd just unwrap the blankets, and be ready to move. Anyway, so we all wake up, and we hear shouting, swearing, the usual soldier talk, and some kid comes running over yelling something about the field, but we can't hear him over the racket of trucks starting and the orders bein' yelled and so on. So we look where he's pointing, and you know what we saw? This sign, in German because we'd overtaken them again, says "Minenfielden!" We'd parked in a damn mine field the whole night! So the trucks back out along the lines they made comin' in, but I tell ya, 'military intelligence,' yeah right! How'd we get in that field then?

As I said, I can't do him justice, but I always remember that story, and I can still hear him say it whenever I think about it.

On to more video game related things, I just wanted to mention that Natural Selection 2 not has both a release video, and a release date. I'd like to think I honour my grand-dad every time I hide under something whenever stuff attacks me, occasionally firing back. I bet, had he been born in today's era, he'd have been a gamer, and he would have just wished we could all get along, and stick it to that damn AI that keeps messing us up.

Proud Of My Heritage; "I'd take boredom over some guy shelling you any day."

Everyone Dies

By now I'm sure you've all heard about 3D Realms closing, and the subsequent deluge of hilarious shots at Duke Nukem Forever, and how yes it will be forever, and then we all laugh at the witty writing.

I'm actually quite sad about it - the work done thus far on it looks absolutely awesome, and it is truly a loss for gamers that we will not get to see it. I remember seeing a gameplay video some time late last year, and I was genuinely interested. It's a huge blow that they're gone, and frankly, (even on the off-chance it's 'not true' and they get bought out or something) we're all the poorer for losing it.

While it does not explicitly pertain to gaming, this is just fucking awesome. I watched it quite a few times, pausing to watch the directors act like fake ass-holes and so on. It was really quite the experience, and I hope that one day we'll have more interactive versions of stuff like this, such as, you know, video games. Can you imagine graphics and interactivity like that? Damn.

I've mostly been playing two games recently: Gemcraft, I remarked to a friend, was "better than most 40 dollar plus games." It's not incredibly deep, but the fact that you can play it for long periods of time without screaming in rage is a plus. Not to mention that it's free, and designed better than most 80 dollar games. The second game, when I have time, is Left 4 Dead survivor mode. I converted a friend of mine to it, and he is attempting to shoe-horn windows into his Mac, rather than heeding my advice that he should just buy a fucking real PC given that nothing he needs to do on it requires a double-the-cost Mac. There's nothing quite like the feeling of screaming "OH FUCK A TANK!" completely surrounded by co-workers, who are all remarking on the games menu flow, how fun it looks, and how easy it is to late-join and use voice-chat.

These things all happened, I assure you.

-Shalrath; "I Hate Vans."

Metal Has Come

It's been a long time since I've been so psyched about a game that I actually dread waiting for it.

A new game has come to take that honoured, rarely held, position of honour.

And this.
is
it.

Tim Shaefer is a God masquerading as a designer. He's in my mind, with pincers glowing like halos, deftly prying loose everything I love and making it even more awesome. Metal? Check. Heavy Metal? Double Check. Killing enemies with heavy metal riffs? Oh my God, where do I sacrifice virgins?

You're killing me with the wait, Shaefer.

There are no words to describe the sheer combination of awesome this is. Atheists in disbelief, Christians cower in remorse, Buddhists shame Buddha with thoughts of coveting tangible things.

This. Will. Rock.

Shalrath; "He's The One Who Makes You Feel Alright."

No-one Lives

It's been a busy weekend so far, with the Zerglings mostly having the run of things. There was the Playing of Ball, some Bug Catching, and the usual Light Saber Battle Against Tree (Part 2!)

I just checked out Pandemics 'The Saboteur' which looks to be awesome. Why you ask? No, it's not the WW2 theme (oddly.) No, it's not being in Paris. It is because of the following lines:

Play as Sean Devlin, a street-tough Irish racing mechanic seeking personal redemption on a Nazi officer that has taken everything away from him.

Street-Tough Irish Racing Mechanic? Where the hell do they get this stuff? That's rather.. specific, and seems fairly out of place (as I recall, my fellow Irishmen and Women were generally trying to oust England with German help...) But yeah, come on, how awesome does that character sound?

I was also just sending out this link to a bartender friend of mine. Why yes, I would like a Plasmid, thank you. (That Poison Arrow looks awesome, but the mix seems.. off-putting to me.) Keep up the good work, fellow Children of Gaming.

I was playing Survivor mode and absolutely loving it. I was a little tentative at first, but as it turns out, wiping out hordes of zombies appeals to me - who knew? Well, I guess I did, which is why I played it. So yes, survival is awesome. Why is it awesome, you ask? Well as you probably know, you get a time limit and have to stay alive. And that's awesome, I mean come on, isn't that how we play these games anyway? I know my favourite experience in Rainbow Six was doing the smallest level possible crammed with 40 enemies on Hard difficulty. That generally meant I started in the same damn room as them and had to somehow (silently, mind) take out 5 enemies at once, any one of whom just might be that cocaine-fueled A.I. godhand that spins around headshotting me the second I move, shoot, etc. But yes, I have a long and coloured history doing crazy last-stands. To give you an idea of how one of our (my friends and I) runs went, here you go:

We actually got our first bronze on No Mercy, via me oddly. My friends had just been offed by a smoker, and two hunters when a tank climbed up next to me and swung at me (3:40).

My first reaction, oddly, was to jump, on the theory it would simply send me away from the tank. And away from tank, obviously, means good. So I sail up onto a tiny roof, surrounded by zombies (3:45). My gun was out of ammo, so I pistoled the group around me, then melee'd the wave jumping up (3:50). I reload the pistols, as I had forgotten to change to my primary, and took down another wave (3:55, 10 health.) Then it was just a huge mass of them swarming me, and me alternately firing/meleeing them off. 3:56, 8 health. 3:57, 4 health. 3:59, 2 health... 4:00:02, I died. This MASSIVE cheer breaks out over my headset and my friends are just screaming in joy.

That's all for now, but I'll be back with more long, boring, potentially hilarious (when you least expect it!) tales of gaming... uh... hila- fuck. Awesomeness!

Shalrath; "There's A Hunter Nearby."

The Rise of Prypyat

This post will be uplifting - at least that is my hope.

The first is that I utterly failed to spell soliloquy, over about twelve or so attempts, before finally looking it up. I was greeted with the following sentence:

"Fantastic prices on soliloquy Deal with Canadians and save"

I'm trying to wrap my head around soliloquy as some sort of asset that one could sell. How do you 'use' soliloquy in this respect? Is it a barter system where one could trade it for hyperbole, or Machiavellian constructs? Can you upgrade services with it? Feel free to weigh in with other uses, because I'm considering setting up an online retailer for sarcasm.

I am absolutely bursting at the seems with excitement over the news that Stalker will get not only another add on, but likely a sequel. Stalker is still one of my favourite games, easily reaching the top five. Other than Fallout 3, I can think of no game that has the same atmosphere and living world feel of Stalker. Every time someone mentions the game, I have a mental image of the gunmetal sky, moonlight shining on shattered buildings, slow sway of my trusty AS Val almost hypnotic; then the sudden shattering of the calm moment as a mutant screams my presence - and then the dance, oh the dance of the FPS. Backward, fire, left, backward fire, left, reload, right, right, fire.

Playing MyBrute - well, I guess playing is the wrong word. Watching? - has been interesting. I have this incredible knack to lose anything that is random. Dice rolls, card flips, Russian Roulette, all lead to disaster for me. So it continues with MyBrute, where my, uh, brute managed to lose over a screen and a half of fights straight. I think I have seven victories out of a good 30 fights. I'd be sad except, you know, I'm not actually doing anything.

None-the-less, it's pretty amusing to watch, if nothing else.

Oh, and I beat Fallout 3 yesterday. Let's just say the ending is exactly what you've probably heard - way too abrupt, almost bereft of meaning, and utterly, utterly devastating to the story you've created. But, as with all open-world things of this nature, bringing it to a close is nigh impossible.

Shalrath; "War Never Changes."